Phases of any relationship

If a couple has just found each other, they are in the middle of the absolute infatuation phase. No one wants to spend even a second without the other and know everything about the other person. People often smile at us during this phase, but we can't help it: chemical reactions put our brains in an absolutely high mood. As scientists have discovered, the serotonin level in newly-in-love people is about as high as in compulsively disturbed people. Moreover, the same brain regions are active as in cocaine users. At the same time, the happiness hormone dopamine is released en masse. So if you are just completely psyched, happy, full of drive, and completely obsessed with your new flame, don't worry, love! By the way, in this phase, sex feels sensational.

Typical phrase: "You're so great!"

In this second phase, you get to know each other better and better. You have evening-long conversations where you reveal a lot about yourself and listen to your partner with great interest. In this phase, everything comes out on the table: family, ex-partner, work ... Most people are never as open and honest in their relationship as they are now. Dopamine and serotonin are now replaced by oxytocin and vasopressin. The two "bonding hormones" give us a feeling of peace and security and ensure that the idea matures in our brains to commit to the other person permanently.

Typical phrase: "Yes, I understand that completely."

After a few months, just about every couple enters the third phase of the relationship. The total obsession should have weakened considerably by now. If the initial extreme infatuation has not subsided in one of the partners, this is a clue for psychologists that the person who continues to be massively in love is insecure, or there are other problems in the relationship. Fear of loss could also play a role. The relationship now consists less of sex and endless conversations and moves toward everyday life together. Often in this phase, there are the first minor disputes. 

Typical sentence: "You could go shopping sometimes."

The relationship is now a few months older. Each has formed an opinion about the other and developed certain expectations of the other person. But not enough time has passed to be able to assess the other person accurately. Therefore, in this phase, either particularly positive or negative experiences occur when the partner does not meet one's own expectations.

Typical sentence: "I would have thought you wouldn't mind."

If the partnership continues, the next phase is that one wants to change the other, or both want to change each other to get the perfect partner. This happens far too rarely in the form of the openly formulated wish and much more often as a more or less subtle attempt to convince the partner of one's own opinion and to get him to act differently in the future. Anger arises, and sometimes there are open power struggles.

Typical phrase: "Better do it differently."

If the relationship has lasted up to this point, the next phase in the partnership follows. And in this phase, great satisfaction sets in. Both partners have recognized that compromises are necessary to survive together. Expectations of the partner are now clear and also much more realistic than they were in phase 4. The relationship continues unspectacularly but steadily, and both partners feel a deep connection to the other. Marriage often becomes a topic in this phase, and children are also considered. The desire to have children is again due to the oxytocin that continues to be released, making the idea of procreation seem extremely attractive to the brain.

Many people inextricably link the relationship with happiness in life and therefore come to the point where they take another close look: Is this relationship really what I want for my life? Is he the right one? Would another partner perhaps be even more suitable? The uncertainty leads you to look at how other relationships are going and whether they might be happier than yours. If constriction and monotony are an issue in the relationship, this phase is the one in which the partnership breaks down. In this phase, infidelities are also particularly frequent.

Typical sentence (to yourself): "What do I really want?"

Once couples have been together for a long time, sex becomes a big issue: either because nothing is going on at all of the partners are trying to try something new and save the relationship and keep sex fun. If despite this, nothing is going on sexually at all, or if one partner does not support the other's efforts to make their sex life attractive, an affair is imminent. However, if the attempts to freshen up in bed are successful, this welds a couple together particularly strongly in this phase.

Typical phrase: "Wow, I don't know you like that!"

Closeness is just as relevant in this phase as both partners have their own interests that they pursue (even without the partner). Love has reached a point in this phase where it is absolute and can hardly be defeated. And the trust in the partner is also almost limitless. Happiness thus has a real chance at this point. However, only if both partners are willing to invest in the relationship and not take the partner for granted.

Typical phrase: "I love you."